An incident with hash.
Hiya! I’m putting old notes and half-finished stories online now. This whistleblowing thing is a huge bother but seeing how scandelously much and how visceral and media-interesting my complaints are, I’m expecting a shitstorm and wouldn’t be surprised if Attendo would lie about me or imply or even call me a liar. That thing where Dutch guy are automatically seen as freedom loving weed smokers reminded me about my last boss first question to me “Do you smoke hash at work?”. I of course didn’t hessitate to offer her to look at my cock whilst I peed in a cup but stuff like that.
Made me think of another insane letter I once wrote after I’d been called to some care-companies office and ambushed by three bosses, solem like fuck, polo sweaters and arrogance and “We hear you have had an incident with hash”..
I had NO idea what they were refering to back then but woke up that same night ‘getting it’.
A ceremony honouring the memory of the kids Anders Breivik massacred on Uttöya, Norway, had reminded me of how I had hitch-hiked into Oslo on the morning after Breivik. To see a girl. Of course. I had seen the news piece on the rememberance day and it had prompted me to tell this story about how I, by mistake, once ate a toothless homeless womans hash.
I like telling stories. I don’t need to embellish.
Next post maybe I tell you why I was, a year ago, under pistol threat, arrested for murder, in Uppsala Sweden.
I broke into Kim JungUn and Ill and all the Sheikh ‘most exclusive school in the world’.
Here’s the letter. It later got me another jobb as well as the offer to grow weed professionally :)
Context, I got called to a care companies office and was expected to “explain” myself and some presumed “history with hash”. I was ordered to have my piss tested at a doctors. At night I suddenly remembered what the hell this “history or background with Hash”” refered to.
And I explained.
In the end, they did fire me for ‘refusing to piss’, which I hadn’t. But I made them read this so it felt like a win.
August 4, 2011
(The original email, writ in Swedish, comes after this English translation)
Hello Johan and Niklas!
I returned home from our meeting feeling quite puzzled. Despite anecdotes about the trip I just returned from and answering questions about Holland, etc., "an incident with hash" was definitely not part of my conversations with SAMSA personnel, residents, or anyone else, as I haven't experienced any such incident or encountered hash (or any other form of drugs) during my recent visit to Holland. However, it struck me that around the 22nd, I had recounted hitchhiking into Oslo on July 22nd, 2011! The conversation revolved around the difficulties in understanding the dialects of Danes and Norwegians primarily, but it reminded me of a 'funny' story.
When Anders Behring Breivik carried out his actions in Oslo and Utøya, I had just finished painting the train station/mall in Mariannelund with the Chinese performance artist Luo Fei, and I was on my way to Oslo to meet a girl I was seeing. Half a day and 9 rides later, two Ethiopian guys drove me into central Oslo where I could pick up keys to a friend's apartment from a girl who was sitting with a large group, all in tears. It was raining, I was dead tired and broke, with nothing to do but wait for the girl to finish work, so I just sat at the central station for a couple of hours. One of the people who kept me 'company' (whom I couldn't shake off) was a homeless lady named Venke, whom I could barely understand. She talked endlessly about letters she had sent to the government, followed me when I went out to smoke a cigarette in the Oslo rain, and was just quite irritating after a long night hitchhiking through Sweden. After a couple of hours, I was half asleep, half politely listening when she nudged me and asked me to take a bite of something. I took a bite of some small licorice/chocolate piece out of pure reflex, realized it wasn't licorice after all, and was almost accosted by a very angry Venke who turned out to just want my assistance because she had no front teeth. July 2011...
My reaction (after that bizarre episode) was less composed than you might have thought because I tried to vomit and spent an hour on the phone with my friend Martin Ahlén, who was a nurse in Oslo. I don't recall whom among the staff I told this to, but the combination of it being the anniversary of the Utøya massacre, having just hitchhiked 2800km, and discussing dialects made it quite natural for me to think of this incident, and perhaps not surprising that the listener confused Oslo with Holland.
Could you please reach out to the person who mentioned "an incident with hash" in Holland and inquire if they might have been referring to Oslo, Breivik, a vagrant lady, etc.? I was in Holland with my children at my parents' place, not at any rave, and I do not use drugs. I am willing to take a urine test if necessary, but the 'incident' you mentioned was this, not something that 'happened' in Holland or in Sweden, and definitely not something I did intentionally.
Best regards, Alexander Salberg
Swedish original.
August 4, 2011
Hej Johan och Niklas!
Jag kom hem från vårt möte som ett stort frågetecken. Ehuru anekdoter om resan jag just kom hem från och besvarade frågor ang. Holland etc så var "en incident med hash" verkligen inte någon del av mina samtal med SAMSA personal, boende eller någon annan i och med att jag inte varit med om varken incident eller hash(eller någon annan form av knark) när jag nyss var i Holland. Men då slog det mig att jag kring den 22ra hade berättad om när jag hade liftad in i Oslo den 22ra Juli 2011!! Samtalet handlade om svårigheterna i att förstå Danskarnas och Norrmännens dialekt först och främst men fick mig att tänka på en 'rolig' historia.. När Anders Behring Breivik gjorde sitt i Oslo och Utöya hade jag och kinesiska performance-konstnären Luo Fei just målat färdigt tågstationen/gallerian i Mariannelund och var jag på väg till Oslo för att träffa en tjej jag var tillsammans med. Ett halvt dygn och 9.o lift senare körde två Etheopiska killar mig in till centrala Oslo där jag kunde hämta nycklar till en väns lägenhet hos en tjej som satt med en stor grupp som bara grät. Det regnade, jag var dödstrött och pank och hade ingenting att göra förutom att vänta tills tjejen skulle komma från jobbet så bara satt vid centralstationen ett par timmar. En av de människor som höll mig 'sällskap'(som jag inte blev av med) var en hemlös dam som hette Venke och som jag knappt kunde förstå. Damen pratade och pratade om brev hon hade skickat till regeringen etc, följde efter när jag skulle röka cigarett i Oslo regn och var bara rätt så irriterande efter en lång natt liftande genom Sverige. Efter ett par timmar satt jag och halv-sov, halv artighetslyssnade när hon knuffade till mig och bad mig att ta ett tug av någonting. Jag tog ett tugg av någon liten lakrits/chokladbit av ren reflex, insåg att det inte var lakrits i alla fall, blev nästan påhoppad av en mycket arg Venke som visade sig bara ville ha min assistans i och med att hon inte hade några framtänder. Juli 2011..... Min reaktion(efter det där bisarra utspelet) var dock mindre cool än ni kanske trodde för jag försökte spy och spenderade en timme i mobilen med min vän Martin Ahlén som var sjuksyrra i Oslo. Jag minns inte vem i personalen jag berättade detta för men kombinationen av att det just råkade vara minnesdagen av Utöya massakern, att jag just hade liftad 2800km och att vi pratade om dialekt gjorde det rätt så naturlig att jag tänkte på detta och kanske inte så konstigt att åhöraren blandade ihop Oslo med Holland. Skulle ni kunna höra av er till den som berättade om "en incident med hash" i Holland och kanske fråga om det var tal om Oslo, Breivik, en luffardam etc? Jag var i Holland tillsammans med mina barn hos mina föräldrar, inte på någon rejv och jag knarkar inte. Tar gärna urinprov ändå om ni vill men 'incidenten' ni pratade om var denna, inte någonting som 'hände' i Holland eller i Sverige och absolut inte någonting jag gjorde med flit.
Med vänlig hälsning, Alexander Salberg
